Potty Training

When our girls got old enough to handle their own toileting needs, I thought I was done with wiping butts for good...or at least until grandchildren.  Ha!  The more-than-life-size beast in the picture above is Younger Progeny's cat, Socks.  Socks came to us as a starved, five month old pound kitten.  She commenced eating upon arrival...and hasn't stopped since.  She quickly ballooned up to 20 pounds, and the vet gave us a stern talking-to, but we haven't been able to budge her weight since then because she is EXTREMELY smart about getting to food.  We can't just cut back, because the other two cats are on the skinny side.  Cats are designed to eat many small meals throughout the day, so you can't just try and feed twice a day.  Cats are not dogs.  They will not snarf up a meal and then be fine for the rest of the day.  Trust me on this...I've tried.  You haven't lived until you've had a hungry cat denied her lovely fishy pieces of crunchy goodness.

We tried putting the food up on the kitchen bar, because she's too fat to jump up there.  However, she's very smart, and she's learned to use anything - and I do mean anything - to assist her climb.  There is a table near the bar where I work on my eBay stuff, and for awhile we routinely heard the crashing of objects as Socks used this table as a launch pad...and because of her enormous weight and Newton's Law, she would slide right across the bar and onto the floor on the other side, bringing down everything in her path.  Then we got smart, and figured out ways to block her from using the table.  However, someone (usually me) always forgets, and someone (always me) has to sweep up cat food and, occasionally, broken bowl bits (contrary to popular belief, Corelle WILL break if it falls enough times!).

Lest you think I've wandered from my original thought, let me point out that cats don't use toilet paper.  They Clean Themselves.  Enough said.  However, this particular cat can no longer do that because she is too fat to reach the relevant area. And since YP is away at college most of the time, guess who gets the job?  Naturally.

You haven't lived until you have watched me pull a baby wipe and call to Socks, "Let's get you clean!  Come on, Socksie, let's get you clean!"  She wanders up, Assumes The Position, and I get the inestimable pleasure of wiping her butt clean.  The things I do for my children...  She allows this for two reasons.  One, we give her treats.  Two, she really does hate not being clean.  She always "helps" me by grooming her arm while I work, that being the only place she can reach at the time.

And I thought I'd be bored in "retirement".